My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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