The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I wear drunk well.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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