That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
