May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
