I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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