Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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