Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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