It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
