Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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