There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i came on her dog
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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