It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
