Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
