1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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