I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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