i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
