I faked an abortion last night.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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