The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
