i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
