Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
