i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
