I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
