you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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