Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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