How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
