Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
