Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
did you just send me my own nude
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
