he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i drank out of a bidet.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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