She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
