I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
