Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
