I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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