I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
