That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
