Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
