Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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