But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
