Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
