Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
