OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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