there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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