You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
