Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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