Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
