my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
