I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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