closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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