So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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