I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
