A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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