DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This house was built for laser tag.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
