I wish I could teleport
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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