Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
