oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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