i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
